


Wherein a Troll Loses Control of His Life Due to Unexpected Pail Shenanigans

by Fox_Salz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Maryam Sass, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), gillkat, the erikan is more background moirallegiance but it's still there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-09-26 21:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz
Summary: Karkat did not expect Cronus to be skilled. But he was, and here he was contacting Kanaya in the middle of the day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have also lost control of my life, posting the first chapter of a new fiction when I have so much else to work on.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: KANAYA  
CG: LISTEN I KNOW IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY BUT I NEED TO TALK BECAUSE I’VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE.  
GA: My This Does Sound Serious  
GA: Is Something I Would Say To Someone Who Previously Had Control Of Their Life To Begin With  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: FUCK YOU WITH ALL THE VITRIOL IN MY BODY YOU CATTY BITCH.  
CG: BUT ALSO FUCKING SIT DOWN AND LISTEN. I MEAN IT ABOUT SITTING BECAUSE THIS MAY BE SHOCKING.  
CG: IN MY INFINITE WISDOM OR PERHAPS DEEP SEATED MASOCHISM AND SELF LOATHING I HAVE PAILED  
GA: Many Trolls Pail Karkat It’s Nothing To Worry About  
CG: I WAS PAUSING FOR *DRAMATIC EFFECT* GODDAMN IT.  
GA: Oh Apologies By All Means Try Again  
CG: THANK YOU  
CG: AS I WAS SAYING I PAILED  
CG: CRONUS AMPORA  
GA: Oh Dear  
CG: IT’S MORE THAN THAT KANAYA.  
CG: NOT ONLY IS THE SLEAZY DESPERATE BASTARD UNFAIRLY ATTRACTIVE BUT HE’S ALSO, AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS  
CG: ACTUALLY GOOD ON THE CONCUPISCENT PLATFORM.  
GA: Usually I Would Never Come Right Out And Accuse A Dear Friend Of Lying Directly To My Face Metaphorically Speaking  
GA: But I Am In Fact Doing That Thing  
GA: Because I Think Youre Lying  
CG: NOPE! I'M LYING HERE IN MY OWN SWEAT AND SLURRY MINGLED WITH HIS, AND FUCKING SORE IN WAYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE THIS SATISFYING AND YET MY DISGUSTING MUTANT BODY AND THINKPAN FIND IT SO.  
CG: AND I AM TELLING YOU PLAIN AND FUCKING SIMPLE THAT CRONUS GODDAMN AMPORA KNOWS HOW TO PAIL.  
CG: I’VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE, KANAYA, AND IT HAS BEEN TURNED RIGHT THE FUCK UPSIDE DOWN AND SHAKEN LIKE A DOLLHIVE PICKED UP BY A CARELESS LUSUS.  
CG: PLEASE PLATONICALLY PITY ME.  
GA: I Have To Say I Find This Revelation Startling And Hard To Wrap My Pan Around  
GA: But Above All Else I Must Applaud You For Taking Our Advice And   
GA: How Did Eridan Put It Again  
GA: Just Jump On That Bulge Already Kar  
CG: YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE INSUFFERABLE AFTER REKINDLING YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND DOUBLY SO WHEN YOU BECAME MOIRAILS  
CG: IN LARGE PART BECAUSE YOU BOTH CONSTANTLY GANG UP ON ME WITH BULLSHIT LIKE THIS.  
CG: INSUFFERABLE, KANAYA.  
CG: THAT IS WHAT YOU AND THAT FISHFACE FUCKER ARE.  
CG: AND HERE I AM IN MY TIME OF NEED SIMPLY REACHING OUT FOR MORAL SUPPORT  
GA: After Facefucking A Different Fish  
CG: GODDAMN IT!  
CG: I SCREAMED WITH MY ACTUALLY FUCKING SHITSPEWING GOBFLAPPER ARE YOU SATISFIED?  
CG: I AM LITERALLY HISSING WITH RAGE.  
CG: I WOUFODYHFC  
GA: Oh Dear Did You Drop Your Palmhusk  
GA: Check Carefully It Might Have Rolled To Wherever Your Calm Center Escaped To Sweeps Ago  
GA: Karkat Are You Still There  
GA: Should I Be Worried  
GA: Or Envious  
GA: It Has Been Ten Minutes Now I Dont Think Youre Coming Back  
GA: Good Day Karkat Sleep Well  
GA: We Should Meet Up Later At A Proper Hour And Talk More About This Revelation Of Yours

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] stopped trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: I’M BACK.  
CG: SORRY ABOUT THAT GOT MOMENTARILY DISTRACTED BY SOMETHING.  
GA: You Were Gone For Over An Hour  
CG: A LONG MOMENTARY DISTRACTION  
GA: Fishtraction  
CG: GAH! BACK TO BEING INSUFFERABLE! I CAN’T BELIEVE I BOTHERED TROLLING YOU AGAIN.  
CG: BUT THAT’S GOOD OLE KARKAT FOR YOU, MAKING ASININE DECISIONS BECAUSE I’M A MASOCHIST WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER BUT CONSTANTLY REFUSES TO LEARN.  
GA: So A Full Hour  
GA: I Have To Say Im Surprised At His Stamina  
GA: And You Have Been Saying You Want To Exercise More  
GA: Im Very Proud Of You For Taking That Initiative  
CG: I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. I’M GOING TO SLEEP AND TRY TO FORGET THE INCREDIBLY POOR DECISIONS I'VE PLAGUED MYSELF WITH.  
CG: GOOD DAY KANAYA, LET’S MEET UP ABOUT ONE AT THAT CAFE YOU TOOK ME TO LAST WEEK. THEY ACTUALLY HAVE GOOD COFFEE.  
CG: GO AHEAD AND INVITE ERIDAN SO YOU CAN BOTH GET YOUR RIBBINGS IN TOGETHER.  
CG: I’D HATE TO DENY EITHER OF YOU THE SADISTIC PLEASURE.  
GA: Sounds Lovely See You Then Karkat Give Cronus My Greetings  
CG: I ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK WILL NOT

carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking and groping, oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for why I've posted this second chapter so soon except that inspiration gripped me tight.

Son of a bitch, it was already ten to one and it took twenty minutes to get to the cafe. Karkat had just stepped out of the shower Cronus had somehow convinced him to share. Bastard knew how to use his tongue.

“Fuck the inevitable passage of time, and fuck my continuous foray into bad decision making.”

Arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him flush against Cronus who brushed lips along Karkat’s mutant gills. It took all his willpower not to moan.

“Did you not understand me? I’m late, you horny fucking mess.”

“Sure, I heard you, chief. But if you’re late already then vwhy hurry? Take an extra couple of minutes.”

“And do what, exactly?”

“Me. Or I can do you. Vwhatever you’re in the mood for. I can go either vway.”

“Yes, you’ve proven that several times already, trust me.”

Cronus chuckled and dragged his tongue along Karkat’s slits. They flared in appreciation.

“Then vwe’re on the same page. And since vwe’re on the same page vwe might as vwell be on the same concupiscent platform. Vwink.”

Karkat seethed with self rage for finding an asshole who said _wink_ out loud so attractive. The worst part was, he was going to end up on that platform again with his legs spread and bulge buried in that cold nook. He’d resist, but in that way he resisted eating a whole box of chocolate dipped crickets. He knew damn good and well he’d devour them. Karkat was _weak_.

“Come on,” Cronus whined, a sound that really shouldn’t be so sexy, as his hand snuck under Karkat’s towel. He trailed careful clawtips up his thigh to his swollen bone bulge. Karkat’s bulge had slipped out just a fraction, and Cronus teased it. Karkat could _feel_ Cronus’ smug smirk against his skin. “You don’t vwant to go out vwith a vwiggly, do you? Let me take care of it.”

“I swear to fuck, you incorrigible, irresponsibly horny and indulgent f—_fuck don’t stop_.”

“Anything you say, Karkat.”

Smug piece of shit sexy fish. Whose hands were so unfairly skilled, fuck. This was fine, he could afford another ten minutes and safely blame traffic.

Forty five minutes later he was finally out the door.

—

coyAmbivalence [CA]  began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: vwhat’s going on, chief?  
CA: oh my glub is kar still wwith you  
CA: and dont play games i knoww you slept together  
CA: nothing escapes your pretty eyes, huh?  
CA: savve the flattery and answwer the question  
CA: no.  
CA: wwhy the fuck are you bein so stinkin difficult?  
CA: just tell me already  
CA: i meant no he’s not vwith me right nowv, he already left. said he vwas meeting up vwith you and kanaya so I thought i’d let you knowv he got a bit of a late start.  
CA: vwink.  
CA: disgustin pig  
CA: i wwant details  
CA: kan says hi and also agrees in regards to details  
CA: spill like your bulge cro  
CA: vwhoa nowv, vwhat kind of troll do you take me for?  
CA: I Do Not Think You Want The Answer To That  
CA: hey kanaya.  
CA: heh, heynaya.  
CA: Hello Cronus Its Lovely To Speak To You Again  
CA: Now Spill  
CA: man, you need to stop vwording it like that, you’re just teasing me.  
CA: and karkat vwon’t be back anytime soon to fix that.  
CA: kars comin back???  
CA: wwait wwhose hivve are you at  
CA: oh my glub did kar leavve you at his hivve like some livve in boytoy  
CA: kan is covverin her mouth like i cant see howw hard shes grinnin  
CA: i’m not answvering you pervws  
CA: pailing is a sacred act betwveen twvo trolls and it’s no one’s business but ahahaha i can’t evwen finish that sentence.  
CA: it vwas a good, long day.  
CA: damn it i wwant more than that but kar just got here  
CA: wwere not done yet though.

caligulasAquarium [CA] stopped trolling coyAmbivalence [CA]

—

Karkat hustled over to the outside bistro table where Kanaya and Eridan were waiting for him, pressed close together around the latter’s palmhusk. He did not care for their expressions at all. Eridan was positively beaming, elbows on the table and chin resting on his open palms like this was a fucking romcom and he was the overeager friend just tickled to hear all about Karkat’s pail life. Kanaya’s enthusiasm was no less for how subdued it might appear to someone who wasn’t unfortunately close to her, mug lifted to her lips as she gazed over the rim at him readily.

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic.”

The words sounded weak to his own ears, and he highly doubted either of them believed him one goddamn iota. All the same he tried to appear casual as he sat down across from them.

“Hm,” Kanaya hummed, sipping her drink.

“So, Kar. You finally jumped on that bulge.”

“Not even a hello? No, ‘oh hey there Karkat my dear friend who puts up with my poor manners, great to see you again’? Just straight to the fucking filthy details with you two! I’m not some soap opera you know, here for your amusement with my unending drama hatched from copious amounts of thinking with my bulge. I’m a troll of my own, with needs and desires and a craving for coffee, blacker than the pit of my self loathing and so scalding my tastetoucher burns right the fuck off.”

The waiter, who had come up mid-rant, nodded and scurried off. Oh good, he was already scaring the staff here.

“Hello, Karkat,” Kanaya greeted.

“It’s lovvely to see you again,” Eridan added.

“You look nice this evening. Practically glowing, wouldn’t you say?”

“I wwould. Even through the bags under his eyes like he didn’t get much sleep.”

“Was something keeping you up, Karkat? Tell us all about it.”

Karkat buried his face in his hands and hissed.

When he sat back up they were both still grinning at him expectedly. With a defeated sigh, Karkat slumped forward on crossed arms.

“I pailed Cronus.”

They both squealed like fucking schoolfeed wigglers.

“Tell us more.”

“Can’t you get your own ill-advised hookups that turn out to be fucking mind blowing instead of living vicariously through mine?”

“Hear that, Kan? _Mind blowin_.”

Eridan nudged her shoulder with his and she nudged back.

“I do believe that is what he said, Eridan. Now what else is he going to say?”

“I’m going to say that I platonically loath you both with the deepest parts of my pump biscuit.”

“Sure, sure,” Eridan waved off, leaning forward with gleaming eyes. “Kan let me read your conversation from this morning. So it wwas that good?”

“It’s always reassuring to know that privacy is dead and my mid morning freakout can be broadcasted to others.”

“If you can’t share something like this wwith your moirail wwho can you share it wwith?”

Karkat opened his mouth to argue that that was the exact goddamn point, but Kanaya interjected.

“Let’s get back to the matter at hand, no more sidetracking with who may or may not have shared a private conversation because it was too juicy to keep to herself. You slept with Cronus, and it was _good_.”

Karkat leaned back heavily in his chair, running a hand through his hair and groaning.

“It was more than good it was—oh, thanks.”

The barista nodded and again hurried off. Karkat gave his coffee a quick taste test—bitter fire, exactly how he liked it—while his companions looked like they were dying of anticipation. Good, let them stew a moment. Overeager busybodies.

“Wwell?” Eridan asked when he finally set the mug down.

“Delicious.”

His chittering groan was immensely satisfying.

“You knoww wwhat I mean.”

“It works for the coffee and Cronus.”

That brought back the sparkle to both their eyes. Eridan grabbed onto Kanaya’s arm saying, “I told you to try him out. You’re wwelcome.”

“You said that when you hadn’t even slept with the guy!”

“Not the point. You’re the one wwho wwas practically drooling over Cro when you saww him shirtless. Then you had to pick your jaww off a the floor wwhen Kan spilled wwater all ovver his pants and he had to take those off, too.”

“Accidentally spilled,” Kanaya clarified, looking very much like a troll who had not done a goddamn thing by accident, the fucking meddler.

“Fuck you, Eridan, I have needs—“

“Which Cronus seems to have sated,” Kanaya interrupted. “Several times.”

Karkat made a strangled sound, tearing at his own hair. Why did he put up with these two again?

“Just levvel wwith us, Kar. So it wwas really good. This a one day stand, fuck buddies, or are you quadrantin wwith him?”

“You did leave him at your hive alone. That’s quite an interesting decision.”

“Listen, I don’t know. I’m still wrapping my head around—wait, how do you know he’s at my hive?”

“Lucky guess?” Eridan tried at the same time Kanaya shrugged innocently.

Karkat closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he exhaled slowly, resisted the urge to scream in public at the top of his sizable lungs, and slammed back the rest of his coffee.

“_Anyway_. I don’t know, we haven’t talked about it.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t keep your mouths so busy else wise and figure that out. Then by all means, continue with your fishtraction.”

“I can actually feel my rage morphing into a hideous lump inside of me. Are you happy? Is this what gets you two off? Mocking me at every turn as you wiggle into my business?”

“A little,” Kanaya admitted cheerfully.

“For the record, Kar, you came to us first.”

“I need you to understand what I mean when I say my life is nothing but a monument to poor decision making.”

Kanaya hummed in that aggravating way of hers that made Karkat drag claws agains the metal of the table.

“Either way, Karkat, do you have time for lunch?”

“Or do you need to get back to your boytoy?”

“Buoytoy.”

Kanaya and Eridan shared a grin. Karkat banged his head against the table and cursed his past self several times over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not think closely about a pesterlog between Cronus and Eridan lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I'm doing that thing again where I'm really selling myself on a ship. Crokat is fun.

Cronus moved around the kitchen singing along to the song he had blasting through Karkat’s hive. He wasn’t walking so much as dancing from fridge to sink to blender, really; song had a sick beat.

He was making a smoothie since Karkat had graciously told him to help himself to anything while he was out. He’d been breathless and blushing as he said it, making Cronus giddy from a job well done. He had even managed to steal a kiss goodbye before Karkat was out the door. And one last grope of those killer rumblespheres.

Fuck, Karkat’s rumblespheres were phenomenal. Like the perfect restplanes to lay his head. He could get lost in thinking about or staring at them all night. Maybe he could convince Karkat to let him get his bulge lost between them, too. Now that was something Cronus would die a second time for.

“Are those my shorts?”

Cronus stopped dead in his tracks and turned to the doorway where Karkat was leaning, eyes firmly trained on what were indeed a pair of Karkat’s pajama shorts that he had rummaged around for. Offering a sheepish smile he explained, “My stuff’s in the vwash. Got a lot of slurry on it.”

Red blossomed across his cheeks. Karkat coughed, shuffling awkwardly.

“Right. Okay. Fuck. Here, I brought you some lunch. If you don’t like it blame Eridan. He said he knew what you’d want.”

Karkat came over, handing him a takeout box. Touched that he’d thought of him, Cronus checked it out.

“Oh hey, fish and chips. Nice.”

“Eridan also said you were cheap with no taste so you’d enjoy that.”

“Sounds like him,” Cronus chuckled. Setting the container down he offered, “Vwant some smoothie? You had a lot of strawvberries, so.”

Eyeing the blender like he didn’t trust it Karkat asked, “What else is in there? How the hell could you scrounge up enough in my hive for a smoothie?”

“You also had a banana and ice cream.”

“Huh.”

Karkat pulled out one of the stools he kept tucked under the long counter and sat, watching Cronus with an expression he couldn’t read. Interest? Attraction? Curiosity? He hoped it was positive. Cronus tried not to overthink it as he poured them both a glass, sprinkling the graham crackers that he’d crushed up earlier on top along with a few extra sliced strawberries. He set one in front of Karkat then grabbed the stool next to him. Maybe he sat a little closer than necessary, but Cronus wasn’t stupid—you had to get as much as you could before a good thing left, or kicked you out already.

“So howv vwas your little get together?”

“Insufferable, so about as expected. Also, what are you listening to?”

Cronus paused, a piece of fish halfway to his mouth. The music had become white noise, so it was just registering that “Be Bop A Lula” by Gene Vincent had started up.

“Feel free to change it, chief. Or, uh, turn it off. It’s your hivve, after all.”

“No, that’s fine. I’ve listened to the worst of slam poetry, this is symphonic in comparison.”

Conversation was easy going after that. Mostly Karkat complained about having two meddling, unable to mind their own business friends who rejoiced in tormenting him, without really giving more detail than that. Cronus just grinned, unable to take his eyes off Karkat’s gesticulations. The guy was always so expressive, it was endearing. Way better than Kankri who always held himself so tight and refused to show any real emotion besides disappointment or disdain.

Cronus shoved that train of thought right off its tracks.

B.B. King’s “Let The Good Times Roll” was playing now. Dialing his charm up Cronus leaned forward.

“So, vwhat’s your schedule for the rest of the night?”

Karkat glanced anywhere but his face, sipping from his smoothie like he could delay the inevitable.

“Nothing,” he finally admitted. “Which saying out loud sounds pathetic as all fuck, but there it is out in the open. Saturday and I wasn’t planning on doing anything at goddamn all.”

“No judgement here, Karkat. Ain’t like I got a lot going on, either. Vwe could change that, though.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but sure. What do you have in mind?”

Fins flittering he answered, “Anything you’re dowvn for. Anything you vwant me to be dowvn for. Vwink.”

“You have a one track mind, Cronus, like a train that only circles around a town called Pailville.”

“A Towvn Called Pailvwille sounds like a good daytime drama.”

Karkat slapped a hand to his face. “I hate that I agree with that, and that I know I’d watch it.”

“Listen, if you’re not interested—“

“I never said that,” Karkat rushed, hand lowering. He cleared his throat. “I mean, if neither of us are doing anything anyway, and you have nowhere else to be, you might as well stay here again. If you want. No pressure or anything.”

“Fuck yeah.” Cronus had to force his fins to calm down. “Vwhy don’t vwe pop on a movwie and see vwhere the night takes us.”

“Sounds good to me. First, though, more smoothie. It actually wasn’t awful.”

Cronus beamed, taking his cup.

—

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling coyAmbivalence [CA]

CA: hey  
CA: its been hours and you nevver got back to me  
CA: cro  
CA: cro  
CA: dont make me bloww up your dms  
CA: I havve better things to be doin wwith my time you knoww  
CA: fine guess youre just too busy on your back gettin your nook wwrecked   
CA: you had better message me wwhen you finally come up for air

caligulasAquarium [CA] stopped trolling coyAmbivalence [CA]

coyAmbivalence [CA]  began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: some trolls sleep, you knowv.  
CA: around maybe  
CA: zing.  
CA: so vwhat’s up?  
CA: dont act like you dont knoww  
CA: i doubt you wwere really sleeping  
CA: I vwas! vwell, post coital dozing anywvay.  
CA: are you still at kars  
CA: it is my newv life givwen right to not answver that.  
CA: wwell that’s obvviously a yes  
CA: so youre spendin another night wwith him  
CA: maybe.  
CA: wwhat’s the plan cro  
CA: and don’t play dumb  
CA: despite evverythin ivve put him through kar is still my friend and i dont wwant you hurtin him  
CA: so tell me wwhat kind a designs you havve on him  
CA: nothing that vwould be nefarious enough to be called designs, yeesh.  
CA: can’t twvo trolls just havwe a good concupiscent time?  
CA: a course they can and im happy you both are  
CA: and im happy that youll keep me updated if fun turns into somethin else  
CA: no juicy details are too small cro  
CA: i’m pretty sure Karkat vwill vwring my neck vwith my owvn bulge, and i need that.  
CA: wwell you can share somethin at least wwithout incurring his wwrath  
CA: i totally vwould, but i think he’s vwaking up.  
CA: or he’s just groping me in his sleep.  
CA: nice.

coyAmbivalence [CA] stopped trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: son of a beach

caligulasAquarium [CA] stopped trolling coyAmbivalence [CA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I adding pesterlogs to every chapter? Yes because apparently I hate myself that much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus and Karkat make plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with this! Have a short update, and be prepared for some real shenanigans next chapter.
> 
> Also there's background erirose.

Karkat bit his hand, eyelids fluttering. It took a lot of willpower not to squeeze his thighs around Cronus’ head. Instead he dug his heels into his back, trying to urge him further. Not that he could really go any further; Karkat was pretty sure his tongue was extended as far as it could while still being attached to his mouth. And damn was it a long tongue.

“Fuck,” Karkat gasped, dropping his hand to grip at the couch cushion beneath him. “Fuck, Cronus, I’m close.”

Instead of backing off, getting a bucket, Cronus picked up speed until Karkat’s orgasm hit him. He came with a strangled scream that he’d be embarrassed about if he wasn’t so blissed.

Cronus pulled out but stayed down there, licking Karkat’s thighs clean of slurry. Karkat let him for a minute, sighing at the attention and basking in the afterglow. Eventually though his biscuit slowed down, breathing evened, and his lower region couldn’t take any more stimulation.

“Alright already, up.”

Cronus obeyed instantly, crawling up Karkat to plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He had that hopeful, imploring look on his face, fins wiggling, and Karkat turned to capture his lips. The guy just ate him out like a champ for half an hour, Karkat could deal with tasting his own slurry for a moment.

When they broke apart Cronus laid his chin on Karkat’s chest, hand rubbing up and down his side.

“Vwas it good?”

Karkat hummed, threading fingers through Cronus’ hair and making him sigh.

“Swveet. Oh, hey, the movie ended.”

“I forgot what we were even watching.”

Cronus let out a delighted trill. It was adorable, and a smile tugged at the corner of Karkat’s mouth.

They fell into silence, some movie trailer background noise Karkat didn’t bother paying attention to. He just kept petting Cronus’ hair. It was so fucking _soft_ that it was hard to resist. Then Cronus rumbled with a purr and Karkat really couldn’t tear his hand away.

He wasn’t the only touchy one. Cronus’ hand snaked up his shirt, idly playing with a grubscar. His other splayed out on his neck—not threatening, there was no pressure, just a convenient spot to touch bare skin.

“You’re really handsy, huh? It’s like you need to constantly be touching me or you’ll explode.”

“If you’re letting me vwhy vwould I quit?”

“Guess I can’t argue with that logic.”

It was quiet again for a moment, some new movie starting that Karkat still didn’t pay attention to. Then, softly, Cronus spoke up.

“You, uh, are letting me, right? This is okay?”

“Well I haven’t kicked you the fuck off me, so yes.” Karkat gently squeezed a horn. “Actually I might kick you the fuck off and drag your ass with me into the ablutiontrap. My legs are sticky and I dread seeing how much slurry got on the couch.”

“You can just flip the cushion ovwer.”

“Holy shit, no. I will get it dry cleaned like a goddamn respectable troll who has some semblance of control on his life.”

“Fair.”

They ended up lying there for a little longer, long enough to decide against watching whatever stupid action movie was playing now.

—

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling coyAmbivalence [CA]

GA: I Hope Im Not Interrupting Anything  
GA: I Just Wanted To Extend An Invitation  
CA: sorry, my bulge is in high demand right nowv. unless you can convwince Karkat for a threesome.  
GA: As Delightful Of A Prospect As That Is  
GA: Which It Is Not  
GA: That Was Sarcasm  
CA: your timing is impeccable.  
GA: Thank you  
GA: As I Was Saying  
GA: My Wife And Moirail Are Currently On A Hate Date And Ive Gone Over To Visit Porrim To Give Them Some Privacy  
GA: I Might Have Been Kicked Out For Supplying Unwanted Commentary But That Is Not The Point  
GA: We Were Chatting About You And She Mentioned How Long It’s Been Since She Last Saw You  
GA: So She Is Inviting You To Join Us Right Now  
GA: She Would Have Done It Herself But You Seem To Not Be Answering Any Of Her Messages  
GA: You Must Have Forgotten To Give Her Your New Handle  
GA: Cronus  
GA: Are You Still There  
GA: Query Noodle  
CA: vwhoops sorry talking vwith Karkat see you later.

coyAmbivalence [CA] stopped trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

—

“You alright?” Karkat asked, making Cronus jerk around. Karkat quirked his brow. “You look pale.”

He gave a careless shrug, forcing his fins to lower from where they’d flared out in surprise, and replied, “Just Kanaya meddling some more. Need any help?”

“Sure. Do you want to bread the chicken or season the bread?”

“Chicken,” Cronus decided, going over to the counter where Karkat had set everything up. He made sure to brush his arm against Karkat’s, giddy at the minor touch. Cronus was starting to feel spoiled with so much contact. Freely given contact, at that, and not being pushed away. He’d forgotten what that felt like.

Karkat moved to the stove, stirring the pasta, and instantly Cronus missed his immediate presence. It didn’t help that Karkat was working in silence. He tried to do the same, but after a minute Cronus couldn’t take it any longer.

“Mind if I play some tunes, chief?”

“Sure, but I reserve the right to demand songs be skipped.”

“Heh, you’re the boss.”

Taking out his palmhusk and ignoring trollian‘s new message indication, Cronus popped on a playlist. It was some chill moisturewave that instantaneously put Cronus at ease—fins going lax, shoulders sagging, whole body loosening up.

“This is that shit Gamzee’s been listening to lately, isn’t it?”

“He showved me this album, actually. By this real cool cat he knowvs.”

“The stoner asshole psionic with an eyepatch?”

“That’s the one.”

“Fuck he’s been trying to get me to listen to this for weeks. And you know what? I think it’s tolerable.”

“High praise coming from you,” Cronus snickered.

“It is, and don’t you dare fucking let either of them know I said it!”

Karkat whipped around, pointing the dripping spoon at Cronus. Cronus tried not to laugh, he really did, but it was a pretty funny sight.

“Ha! You, heh, you’vwe got it, chief. My lips are sealed.”

“Good. You done with that chicken yet?”

He had indeed and brought over the plateful. While Karkat kept an eye on the pasta and fixed the bread, Cronus fried the chicken.

“So,” Cronus eventually ventured, trying to keep his voice casual when inside he was swimming in emotions. “Got any plans this vweek?”

“I try not to make too many of those too far in advanced.”

“Vwhat a mood. That mean you might be up for a little advwenture?”

Cronus tossed him an enticing wink. It got him an eye roll that wasn’t nearly as dismissive as it could be.

“I don’t know if you mean that sexually or not, but either way, sure. I’m up for some ‘adventure’. But if you drag me someplace, I reserve the right to complain loudly about it the whole time whether or not I’m actually enjoying myself.”

“Deal. I knowv a swvanky joint that’s only open on Friday nights and the vweekends. Vwe can givwe it a try.”

“Well I already agreed, so whatever you want to do. It probably won’t be the worst place I’ve ever been dragged to. That dubious honor belongs to the underground warehouse where I had to endure that fucking rap off between Tavros and Gamzee and the Strider mistakes. Or that nightclub Eridan insisted I go to with him. Or maybe when Jake tried to take me rock climbing. Or that immediate nutrition drive thru incident with Sollux. Fuck, I hate my friends.”

“I swvear I’ll showv you a good time. No one else vwe knowv vwill be invwolvwed.”

“Music to my long suffering auditory sponges.”

Cronus grinned, thrilled at Karkat accepting. He’d show the guy an amazing time, something he’d really vibe with. Something that would make him want to keep Cronus around.

**Author's Note:**

> This is marked M for now, will have some friskiness but probably not a lot of detailed onscreen sex? Whale sea!


End file.
